


look at the stars (look how they shine for you)

by hcjime



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Pining, Stargazing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-02
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2019-10-09 12:35:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17407016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hcjime/pseuds/hcjime
Summary: “Iwa-chan, look,” Tooru says, tugging Hajime and forcing him to lie down by him. “Aren’t they so cool?”Not really, Hajime almost says, because he’s never really seen the appeal in stars, to be honest. They’re small dots in the sky, forever away, and better things live on Earth anyway. When Tooru bumps his shoulder, though, insistent upon an answer, he grins back. “Yeah, they are,” he replies. Tooru beams so wide Hajime’s sort of afraid his face will split in half.[or : iwaizumi and oikawa go stargazing together and iwaizumi's painfully in love]





	look at the stars (look how they shine for you)

**Author's Note:**

> in japanese graduations, boys traditionally give the second buttons of their uniform to a loved one (usually a girlfriend or a girl they like).

 Hajime and Tooru go stargazing alone for the first time when they’re twelve – they’re actually not supposed to be out on their own this late, but Tooru says it’s a secret and his eyes are so bright and his smile is so wide that Hajime can’t be the voice of reason without feeling bad. Of course, he follows him out into an open field about a mile from his home. “Iwa-chan, look,” Tooru says, tugging Hajime and forcing him to lie down by him. “Aren’t they so cool?”

 _Not really,_ Hajime almost says, because he’s never really seen the appeal in stars, to be honest. They’re small dots in the sky, forever away, and better things live on Earth anyway. When Tooru bumps his shoulder, though, insistent upon an answer, he grins back. “Yeah, they are,” he replies. Tooru beams so wide Hajime’s sort of afraid his face will split in half.

“I knew – ” he begins to yell, but Hajime shushes him. “I knew I could change your mind,” he continues in a whisper, “was it when I said they’re like art but by the universe? I spent three weeks coming up with a line that cool, but I guess it was worth it, huh?” Hajime realizes with a weird, twisting feeling in his gut that his and Tooru’s fingers are still interlocked. His palm is so sweaty and gross right now; it’s a wonder Tooru hasn’t pulled away.

(Why is he worrying about it? He and Tooru have been holding hands since they learned to walk together; it’s not a big deal. He can have palms as sweaty as he wants.) “It was when you said that, yeah,” he replies a moment late, wondering if having your heart race around your best friend is a normal occurrence. He’ll have to Google it when he gets home or ask his mom, though for some reason he’s hesitant. Tooru’s beam turns into something different – softer, maybe, not like anything Hajime’s seen before.

“You should admit I’m the coolest ever,” he says gently, and Hajime snorts.

“It’ll be a cold day in hell, Shittykawa,” he says, and he tries his hardest to convince himself that the way Tooru gasps isn’t cute at all.

-

Summer is a time for a lot of things – beach visits ( _Iwa-chan,_ Tooru always cries, _don’t splash; you’re ruining my hair!_ ), after school studying ( _of course you don’t get this,_ Tooru says smugly, _because I’ve always been smarter after all_ ), and Hajime’s slow, horrific realization of his own emotions.

When he first figures it out, he doesn’t talk to Tooru for a week. He figures if he avoids him for long enough, his feelings are bound to fizzle out, but their coach notices, of course, and he threatens to make them reserves if they don’t resolve their issue soon.

“I don’t even know what’s wrong,” Tooru says, staring at the floor instead of making eye contact. “I’d fix it if I could.” The look on his face is enough to convince Hajime that plan won’t work.

He tries to go out with a girl for a week after that, but they can barely spend any time together because Tooru’s suddenly even more omnipresent than he was before, hanging onto Hajime’s arm and yelling compliments into his ear and laughing too hard at his jokes. “Stop being weird,” Hajime says, not for the first time, but he breaks up with his girlfriend anyway.

So they end up where they began – stargazing in an empty field. The only noise for miles is their voices and the quiet chirping of cicadas. “That one’s Ursa Minor,” Tooru says. His voice is beginning to change, cracking often enough that Hajime can tease him about it constantly, but right now, it’s smooth and quiet and soft. “Do you see the bear?”

Hajime doesn’t even know what cluster of stars Tooru’s talking about, but he nods anyway to see him smile. “Where’s Gemini?” he asks. Tooru laughs.

“You can’t see that right now,” he says. “It comes here in winter. Pay attention, Iwa-chan; I know you’re slower than most, but–”

“Don’t be an ass,” Hajime interrupts, though his lips twitch. “What’s that one?”

“Hercules,” Tooru replies. “It’s named after a Greek hero.”

“Aren’t most of them named after Greek heroes?” Hajime’s voice sounds different even to himself, thick with sleep and something else he can’t name.

“Or Roman heroes,” Tooru adds after a moment. “Or animals, like Ursa.”

“When you end up at JAXA or whatever,” Hajime says with a loud, long yawn, “you should get a star named after you.” He’s expecting Tooru to laugh, but when he turns to face him, Tooru looks almost pained.

“Because I shine so brightly, right?” he asks, switching to a too-bright grin. “Who knew Iwa-chan could be so sweet–”

“Shut up,” Hajime mutters, though he’s thinking ‘ _yes, yes, yes’._

-

“Iwa- _chan_ ,” Tooru whines, and Matsukawa’s lips turn upward like they always do when Tooru’s about to say something annoying. “We haven’t gone stargazing in, like, forever.”

“You guys go stargazing?” Hanamaki asks. He and Matsukawa exchange a look, and then he grins – sharklike and far too knowing. “Very romantic; I thought the spark would’ve died after seventeen years of marriage, but you surprise me time and again.”

“I’m finding new friends,” Hajime says flatly, trying his hardest to will down the heat which begins to creep up his neck. Tooru nudges him.

“I was serious, you know,” he says. “We should go. It’s been – what, a year?”

 _A year and two months,_ Hajime thinks, but he nods. “Yeah, probably,” he replies nonchalantly.

“So we should go,” Tooru says. For a moment he looks oddly anxious, hands wringing each other and eyes darting nervously around the gym. A second later, though, he’s smiling again, composed and fake. “For old times’ sake.”

Hajime snorts. “We’re still kids, Shittykawa; it’s only been a year.”

“One year is a year too long,” Tooru replies with an angelic grin, dodging Hajime’s shove. “It’s settled, then; we go today.”

“You have three tests tomorrow – ”

“And we’re going today,” Tooru says, nervousness once again overtaking his features before they shift into another grin. “C’mon, I’ll even buy you your stupid tofu.”

“Just because you only like things doused in sugar,” Hajime mutters, losing his train of thought when he notices Tooru’s expression, soft and strange and for some reason, aimed at him. “What?” he asks. Tooru just beams.

“Nothing, Iwa-chan,” he says. “Don’t worry about it; a brute like you wouldn’t understand complex emotions like mine anyway.” Hajime reaches out and flicks his forehead, leaning back and hiding a grin with his hand when Tooru gasps, affronted. He turns his eyes to Matsukawa and Hanamaki, who look incredibly concerned and amused, respectively.

“Don’t mind us,” Matsukawa says with a grin. “Continue flirting; we’ll just third-wheel.” Tooru splutters something incoherent before he lapses into a sulky silence.

“You can’t third wheel if there’s two of you,” Hajime points out, partially to get Tooru to speak again. For some reason, he sounds more genuinely agitated than he is. “Then you’re third and fourth-wheeling, and that makes no sense. Then it’s just a whole car. Cars are fine.” Tooru’s laughing at him now, his smile somewhere between bemused and ridiculously fond. In moments like these, Hajime lets himself hope just a little bit.

“I mean, there are perfectly functional vehicles with three wheels,” Hanamaki says. He blinks. “Tricycles.”

“Tricycles are slow and weak compared to bicycles, but cars are still the superior mode of transportation,” Tooru announces, slinging a casual arm around Hajime and pulling him close. “Iwa-chan’s right.” He grins at him like they’re holding a secret no one else can know. “Like always.”

-

“Iwa-chan,” Tooru says that night, sounding drowsy and quiet and adorable. Their hands aren’t interlocked like they were when they were young. It’s not normal for friends to do that anymore. Instead, they’re just barely brushing knuckles. “You’re kind of – cute sometimes, you know? Like with the whole car thing; that was cute.” Hajime feels heat begin to spread from the tips of his ears.

“Thanks,” he says, “I guess.” _You’re kind of cute sometimes too,_ he almost says. _Or all the time. You’re cute all the time._

“Not as cute as me, though,” Tooru chirps as though reading his mind, except he doesn’t know – he can’t know or he’d have distanced himself by now. “But it’s okay, you’ll do.”

“Shut up and point at the constellations,” Hajime mutters, glancing away. Tooru snickers before pausing.

“I, um,” he says. “I actually wanted to tell you something. It’s about, uh –”

“You shouldn’t,” Hajime replies too quickly. Tooru knows. That has to be it; he’s figured it out and he’s about to reject him and it’s going to be ridiculously embarrassing for both of them, so it’s better to spare him the trouble. “You shouldn’t tell me.”

When he finally makes eye contact, Tooru looks almost hurt before he grins. “Okay,” he says, sounding brittle and awful. “If you don’t want to know, you don’t need to know.” He pulls his hand away. Hajime wants to reach out and grab it, but he doesn’t know how to without being weird, so he draws his hand back, too, resting it on his stomach and staring at the sky and wondering if it’ll swallow him.

They lie in a heavy silence for a few minutes that seem to stretch on forever. Just when Hajime begins to think that maybe he should just get up and go home, Tooru clears his throat. “That one’s Hydra,” he says, pointing at the sky at a cluster of stars Hajime’s gotten no better at finding. “It’s based off a Greek myth, like Hercules.”

“What’s the myth about?” Hajime asks, and Tooru’s smile comes back a little less hollow as he begins to tell him tales about snakes and murder and heads on fire.

 _I’m in love,_ Hajime thinks, miserably, _and now I’ve ruined it._

-

They don’t return to the field again until after they lose to Karasuno.

“Iwa-chan,” Tooru says over the phone after they’ve both gone to their houses. “Could we – could we go stargazing again? I really,” he swallows, and Hajime feels as if he’s going to cry again, “need to today. If that’s all right.”

“I’ll meet you at your house,” Hajime replies immediately, hanging up and shoving his face into his palms.

“I shouldn’t be mad at myself, right?” Tooru asks when they’re lying in the grass again, gripping hands like they’re twelve and sneaking out for the first time. Hajime never wants to let go. “It was – we all tried our hardest.”

“You were great,” Hajime says. His voice is delicate like it only gets when he wants to say something he can’t find the words for. “I – we all fucked up, but so did they; it was close.” Tooru doesn’t believe him – he can tell – but he doesn’t argue either, just humming and then interlocking their fingers. Their silence is companionable this time, though it’s coated with something bittersweet.

“Did you mean it?” Tooru asks after ten minutes. He grins halfway. “When you said you’d crush me next year?”

“I don’t think I used the word crush,” Hajime replies, but he smiles back. “But yeah.”

Tooru sighs, shifting close so that he can rest his head on Hajime’s chest and tangle their legs together. “Good,” he says. “I wouldn’t expect any less from you.”

 “Don’t go easy on me, yeah?” Hajime asks, and Tooru grins up at him. His heart hurts so much he feels like it’ll burst out of him, hitting the grass and leaving bleeding unsaid confessions everywhere.

“I feel like,” Tooru says, carefully, “you’re underestimating my healthy sense of competition, Iwa-chan.”

 _I’d never underestimate anything about you,_ Hajime thinks, screwing his eyes shut.

“You say healthy sense of competition; I say psychopathic need to win,” he says instead. Tooru snorts.

“Are they not the same thing?” he asks, batting his lashes innocently.

Hajime’s going to fall apart.

-

Graduation is a difficult time for everyone. Tooru cries, to no one’s surprise, and Hajime cries too – again, to no one’s surprise. Just after the ceremony, Tooru’s immediately swamped by girls asking for his second button, still hoping that after three years of nothing they’ll get a last minute confession. “We’ll meet up with you at the convenience store,” Hajime calls, leaving Tooru with a betrayed-looking Hanamaki and heading off school grounds with Matsukawa.

“Do you think it’ll be weird?” Matsukawa asks, staring up at the sky. His voice is wobbly, off-kilter in a way it hasn’t been since they lost to Karasuno. “Not seeing each other every day, I mean.”

“We’re only thirty minutes away from each other,” Hajime replies. He closes his eyes – lets himself feel the wind against his face before speaking again. “It can’t be that bad.”

“Still,” Matsukawa says. “It’s the end.” He sighs. “Weird to think about, right?”

Hajime shrugs and tries to keep his face as neutral as he can, afraid he’ll start crying again if he lets emotion show. “I guess,” he answers. “Yeah.”

“And now that we’re all leaving each other,” Matsukawa continues, the tone of his voice suddenly more cautious, “it feels like a good time to tell people things you might not have told them otherwise.” When Hajime looks at him, he makes sure he looks ridiculously confused, hoping it’ll at least stop Matsukawa from offering more advice.

“What are you saying?” he asks.

“You know what I’m saying.” When Hajime makes sure his face doesn’t betray him, Matsukawa just sighs. “There’s a reason he’s not giving away his button today, and I’m willing to bet it’s the same reason you didn’t give away yours.” He looks at him meaningfully. “You have nothing to lose.”

Hajime doesn’t know how to say he has everything to lose, actually – how Tooru’s always been the center of his universe, the only star he’s ever cared about, and if Hajime falls out of his orbit he’ll probably stay lost for the rest of his life. Instead, he looks away, pulls out his phone, and texts Hanamaki to drag Tooru out.

They go out for ramen that night, eating while they reminisce and joke and wonder for the safety of their underclassmen (especially Kyoutani, whom they’ve all agreed Yahaba’s most likely to kill). When they part ways, they promise to meet up with each other over break one more time. “It’s not goodbye yet,” Hanamaki says as he leaves with Matsukawa. Tooru beams at him, as dazzling as ever.

“It won’t be goodbye then, either,” he replies.

“You’re both cheesy as hell,” Hajime calls from a few paces away, and Tooru yelps as he quickens his steps to catch up.

Tonight, neither of them have to ask to know where they’re going. They sit in the field, holding hands with a silent promise to never let go. Tooru doesn’t point out any of the constellations, deciding to resting his head on Hajime’s shoulder and avoiding talking about how much he’ll miss him.

“I have to tell you something,” he says after thirty minutes of nearly nonsensical rambling. His grin is heartbreakingly melancholic. “The last time I tried, you said you didn’t want to hear it, but I don’t think I can go to university without trying.”

 _You have nothing to lose,_ Matsukawa’s voice echoes in Hajime’s mind, but suddenly he’s terrified anyway. “You really –” he begins, but he falls silent as Tooru takes off his second button, placing it in Hajime’s palm with the same mournful smile.

“I like you,” he says. “I like you so much it hurts most of the time; I – that’s why I got so mad when you dated that girl in middle school, remember?” He laughs but it rings too harshly in both of their ears. “I thought maybe I’d get over it, but it’s been forever and I’m still the same, so I thought I should at least let you know.”

Hajime’s too stunned to speak, because holy shit _,_ he’s been so stupid.

“Iwa-chan,” Tooru says, folding inward upon himself. “Say something.”

Hajime just takes off his second button and slips it into Tooru’s hand, marveling at how fucking _cute_ he is all the time.

“I thought,” he says, a moment or a minute or six years too late, “this was one-sided.”

“You–” Tooru begins with an incredulous grin that blooms gorgeous and bright across his features, but Hajime quiets him.

“When – when you tried to tell me, I thought you’d figured out I liked you and you were gonna say you’d never talk to me again or something.”

“Iwa-chan,” Tooru sighs, his beam curving his eyes into crescents. “You’re so stupid.”

“I–”

“You’re lucky I like you, or I’d be laughing so much at you right now.”

“If you didn’t like me, I’d be right,” Hajime points out, and Tooru’s smile is suddenly quieter, somehow.

“I’d never ever stop talking to you,” he says. “You’re such an idiot.” In the light of the moon he looks ethereal. Hajime can’t find it in him to argue.

“I like you a lot,” he says instead, reveling in the way Tooru turns red and looks away. Hajime thinks that he probably is stupid, but he also thinks that he’s so in love that it really doesn’t matter.

When they kiss for the first time as the sun rises, the stars don’t smile upon them, but Hajime’s only ever cared about one anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> [ [twt](https://twitter.com/kyoustani) ]
> 
> shoutout to [chanon](https://twitter.com/DefoIie) for reading thru this fic n editing out my extra commas (amongst other things),,, ily
> 
> also shoutout to [riya](https://twitter.com/iwasoi) for helping me w her like. vast knowledge of constellations wtf... with ur love of stars n my love of greek/roman mythology we r Unstoppable
> 
> if u liked this, maybe leave a kudos or a comment? i reply to everyone bc i love talking to you :0
> 
> thank you for reading and i hope you have a lovely day!


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